Chimney Fire
It’s always been a quiet old street, secluded like you know. Nothing ever happened much.
I suppose really speaking the most exciting thing that ever happened was when we had the house on fire, when we had the chimney fire.
I’ll tell you about that, as well as I remember anyhow.
It was one dismal, dreary Saturday afternoon. Dad comes home from work, Saturday dinner time, they used to work Saturday mornings see. Dad comes home. Poor old Mum, she was ill in bed. So Dad got some, I don’t know what we had for dinner, anyhow he gave us all our dinner like. He couldn’t go down the allotment after dinner cos as I say it was raining.
“I think I’ll go and have a lay down for a couple of hours” so off Dad goes.
Well, we didn’t mind, out comes the marbles and the old tray, swinging marbles around on this tray kicking about like we were having the time of our lives. We was alright.
I suppose getting on towards dark, Beat turns up.
“Hullo Beat”
“Hullo kids”
“How’s Mum?”
“Oh well, I don’t know. We see her this morning and she seemed a little bit better”
“Did she have any dinner?
“Well, Dad took her up some fish and chips but she didn’t want that”
“Tell you what, we’ll make her a nice slice of toast, eh?”
“So, how you going to make toast then?”
“Well, on the fire”
“What fire?”
“I’ll soon get that going” Beat said.
She caught hold of the Daily Herald, Herald in front of the fire and – Whoosh! Straight up the chimney. That was the day The Herald gone for (??).
“Now you’ve been and gone and done it, our Beat”
“Been and gone and done what?”
“Well, Daily Herald’s gone up, Dad ain’t read him, nobody’s read Bobby Bear. And not only that, you’ve got the chimney on fire I expect”
“Don’t talk so daft, course the chimney ain’t on fire. Why don’t you go and look, Ern?”
So I goes outside and has a look, and there were flames about a foot high and smoke like on the Queen Mary. I comes in,
“Ah, he’s on fire, Beat”
“Is he honest?”
“Yeah” – we could hear him roaring then see.
“Better go and tell Dad”
Off I goes,
“Dad! Dad!”
“What’s up?”
“Chimney’s on fire!”
“Alright, I’ll be down in a minute. Alright, alright, don’t get excited”
A few minutes later, Dad comes down stairs. Gets half way down the stairs and there’s a knock at the door.
“Alright, I’ll go, I’ll see to it” – Dad goes to the door.
“Hello Mr Dunford, you’re chimney’s...”
“I know, I know. He’s only a chimney”
“Ah yeah, but there’s all smoke coming out the roof, you want to see it”
“WHAT??”
Dad goes out in the street and looks up, it was like a proper (??) coming out the chimney, out the roof, coming out underneath the eaves, coming out everywhere. He comes in, all of a sweat like,
“Quick, somebody pop over and see Uncle Jack, fetch Uncle Jack”
Well, Uncle Jack, he was a nimble sort of bloke see, course he wasn’t so very old then. Uncle Jack comes down,
“What’s up then, Joe?”
“Can’t you see it?”
“Oh, I can see it all coming out there. What’s been happening?”
“I ain’t done nothing, it’s these kids here been playing”
Well, up the stairs they go.
“Where’s your ladder, Joe?”
“Ladder? I ain’t got no ladder. I’ve got a chair”
Right, fetch a chair. Puts Uncle Jack on the chair, heaves and shoves and pushes, and course, Fred had got about the wardrobe, right over the trap door. He was trying to get up in the attic see? He doubles himself up into a figure S or a letter S or whatever you like to call it, struggled up there, anyhow. Little did he know, he could have taken the top off the trap door and he could have pulled himself up comfortable. Anyhow, that was by the way. Up there, rummaging about for five minutes, comes back down.
“What’s up then, Jack? What’s up then?” Dad says,
“Can’t see a damned thing. Can’t see a thing, smoke all over the place. Better send for the Fire Brigade”
Well, somebody already sent for the Fire Brigade. They comes clanging down the street, see they had damned great bells on. They comes clattering down the street, a couple of Fire Engines. Up on the roof they goes. And they had a fancy way of putting chimney fires out then. They did get to the top, one would shove the hose down the chimney,
“Right-o George, turn him on! Turn the water on!”
You have never seen so much mess in all your life. It came down that chimney, soot and smoke and cinders all over the place. Funny thing though, it was all over the kitchen floor, and it didn’t spoil the carpet. Good reason for why….didn’t have one did we? All we had was a bit of old cloth, and that wasn’t much good. A bit of sack netting sort of.
Anyhow, they got all of that fixed up, and poor old Mum, she was in ned, she didn’t know whether to expect the ambulance, Fire Brigade or what - she didn’t know what was going on.
Well during all this time, see, now you won’t mind me calling him Old Walt will you, but we had a character across our front, Old Lil’s Dad actually, Mr Townsend, we affectionately called him Old Walt, I’ll call him Old Walt, she won’t mind, nobody would mind. He was watching all this see, going on across the road. He went on indoors and had his tea. After tea he said to Mrs Townsend,
“Think I’ll slip up and have a hair cut”
“Have a haircut? At this time of night?
“I think I’ll slip up and have a hair cut, I didn’t have time dinner time when I come down”
Anyhow, up the barbers he goes. Up to Don’t-Ya-Knows. I’ll tell you about Don’t-Ya-Knows perhaps later on. Anyhow, Fred’s down there, looks round, first person he sees looks in the looking glass – Fred. That was my brother, Fred.
“What’s going on here then, Fred?”
“Well what the hell do you think I’m doing up here – painting the ceiling? What the hell do it look like? Same as you, having my hair cut”
“That as may be, mate. But you’d do well if you got back down to what little is left of it”
“What do you mean, what’s left of it?”
“Well, hardly a stick and stone left” he said.
“’Ere, come on what’s on about, hardly a stick and stone left”
“Didn’t you hear those Fire Engines, cor blimey you ought to have been there this afternoon” he said. “Place was burned to the ground, near enough, Fred. You ought to get down there quick”
Fred was out of the chair, don’t think he ever paid the barber, half of his hair cut. He comes down, oh wasn’t there a shin-dig when he, well he did carry on, course he did. Anyway, Old Walt, he turns round to the barber and says
“Ah, I wish all customers were as quick as he, soon get rid of them won’t we?” – he’s moving up one in the chair like, you know.
Anyhow, a few months after that Dad says
“Good job that chimney fire, Ern, weren’t it?”
“What do you mean, Dad, good job?”
“Well” he said “our old chimney pot up there, always was cracked weren’t he? Got a new chimney pot out of the insurance didn’t we, eh?
