Peeping Tom
Then there was the Little Lane, some people called it the Lover’s Lane but for us kids it was always the Little Lane.
Just at the bottom of the street there was this lane you know – hedgerows on each side, and on one side going down the left hand side was a lagoon like, waste water from the old Great Western. About five foot of water and 10 foot of mud I should think. On the other side of the lane was just a low hedge and railing and allotments.
Well, all this now that I’m telling you now is hearsay from Jim – I weren’t there, course I wasn’t. He was courting Lil at the time, see? They were strolling down there one summers evening, I suppose it must have been getting dusk, and like all couples do and did they leant against the fence. And looking around, towards the allotments, Jim said
“Oi, Lil, d’you see that?”
“See what, Jim?”
“Well, that old tin bath there – 20 yards up there. Didn’t you seem him move?”
“Don’t be daft, Jim. How can an old tin bath move?”
Sure enough, the old tin bath moved a bit more, so Jim says
“Hang on, Lil. Stay here” and over the fence he galloped, over the fence. Straight up to this old bath, kicked him, kicked the bath out the way. And down behind him, with knee pads on, spying glasses, was a fellow down there, us kids – I knew him well, cos I used to work with this old chap, Dead-eyed Dick we used to call him. There he was, course you can imagine what he was doing down there with spying glasses and knee pads can’t you?
“What do you reckon you’re doing here then? What’s up?” Jim said, and he grabbed him by the collar like.
“Oh, I forgot me spade, I come down to fetch me spade”
Anyhow, I didn’t tell you did I? He only had one eye, a very gammy eye in the other. By the time Jim finished with him, t’other one wasn’t much good. Jim said
“Is that your glasses down there?” spluttered through his teeth like, you know,
“Yeah, that’s them, that’s my spying glasses”
“Right, you won’t be needing them” – straight over into the back cuttings they went, over in this lagoon I was telling you about. Jim left him there on the floor, as good as dead! Goes and walks out in Rodbourne Lane like, meets a copper, this is as I’ve been told, he meets a copper, he reports to the copper that he had three parts killed the bloke. Well, course the copper says
“You’d better come along with me, mate”
So they goes down the lane again. Course, by the time they got down there, old Dead-eye, he’d scarpered, he’d gone home. It didn’t stop him from his tricks, nah. He bought a new pair of glasses and he shifted his headquarters down the local board.
